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17 nov 09 15:47 - atrevete creer

According to Zecharia Sitchin, there is an undiscovered planet, Nibiru, which follows a long, elliptical orbit, reaching the inner solar system approximately every 3,600 years. Nibiru's collision with another planet, Tiamat, resulted in the birth of our beautiful planet, Earth. When struck by one of planet Nibiru's moons, Tiamat split in two. One half of Tiamat became the asteroid belt and the other half, Earth.

The Nephilim and/or Anunnaki:
Nibiru was the home of the Annunnaki, human-like, very advanced. Sitchin believes they first arrived on Earth probably 450,000 years ago, looking for gold, which they found and mined in Africa. They genetically engineered humans as slaves to mine for gold.

The more obscure my life gets, the more I enjoy inhabiting my little universe.

12 nov 09 15:59

natalie's favorite christmas music, in order of preference:

10. vince guaraldi trio - "christmas time is here" (a charlie brown christmas)
9. judy garland - "have yourself a merry little christmas" (meet me in st. louis)
8. eartha kitt - "santa baby"
7. mariah carey - TIE between "all i want for christmas is you" and her version of "joy to the world"
6. horatio sanz, jimmy fallon, chris kattan & tracy morgan - "i wish it was christmas today" (saturday night live)
5. john lennon & yoko ono - "happy xmas (war is over)"
4. otis redding - "merry christmas, baby"
3. britney spears - "my only wish (this year)"
2. the o'jays - "love train" (technically not a christmas song, but i always listen to it the minute starbucks starts whipping out those pumpkin spice lattes... the season has officially begun!)

.
.
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1. WHAM - "LAST CHRISTMAS"

i just love love love the part where george michael whispers, "merry christmas / i wrapped it up and sent it / with a note saying 'i love you' / i meant it." also, i appreciate how passive-aggressive the chorus is. pretty progressive for an x-mas song.

3 nov 09 15:12 - proof of heaven, as you're living


i wish i would have followed through on so many activities i enrolled in as a kid, back when it was effortless and not plagued with insecurity, too little action, too much thinking. chief among these activities: singing, musical theater (i know!).

I was never "American Idol"-worthy (what does that even mean now, anyways?) but i was always very charismatic on stage, not a sissy. when i was 12 i put on some Boriqua bamboo earrings, slicked back my hair, did my eyes with some Swarovoski crystals, and performed "Waiting for Tonight" by J.Lo at one of my dad's hotels, and he claimed i "became another person" on stage. I guess the most accurate comparison would be to Britney Spears, age 10, on "Star Search."

today, my singing isn't atrocious, but it hasn't really developed. There's no way I can sing power ballads or even punk rock songs, except as a joke, but I'm really good at standards, Elton John, and "Where Is Love?" from Oliver! If I were an A-List celebrity, I could definitely get cast in a musical. I mean, look at the trailer for Nine. Nicole Kidman can't sing and has all the presence of a dead fish, I'm sorry!

anyways, this is all a prelude to say that i've begun taking Cha Cha dance classes and will begin learning the trumpet in approximately two weeks, so hopefully i can mount a one-woman show - complete with custom-designed costumes that i sewed myself - by February 2010. i am really excited by my revitalized hammy spirit.

27 oct 09 17:45 - in your hand / at your throat

i am dating Robert Downey, Jr.

22 oct 09 17:15

today at lunch i mailed a package & then i bought two hot dogs with ketchup and mustard and a fountain soda. i sat down at a wendy's, wolfed down my lunch, and i opened my wim wenders book but i couldn't read anything because i was too emotional.

16 oct 09 14:23 - nemo







i'm more interested when the invisible comes to light. something about nothing is good, as long as it is rendered with precision.

11 oct 09 21:21 - has anybody seen my gal?

i walked into opening ceremony & they were offering max bodysuits from where the wild things are for $500. i walked two doors down into a store called "GHETTO SUPERSTAR" and they were selling something similar (minus the hood + ears) for $40. synthetic fur is really in right now, peeps. 

something has got a hold on me & i can't stop listening to guns n' roses and perfecting my axl rose snake dance. i bought tons of origami paper from pearl river, thinking this would be a worthwhile pastime for my new room/boarding room, but my folding sucks. i saw paranormal activity with jay-z and beyonce. we yelped at the same parts. 

i look at my new room with a strange sort of affection. it's so lovable and clean. i don't want to taint it by adding too many things. even a nightstand might be too much. my brass deer figurine stands precariously on my wooden bed frame, shuffling from one hoof to the next; this is definitely a room for brass - tiny, important, affirming. all my clothes are neatly piled - blacks, whites, brights. i am living a japanese mod lifestyle. 

everything is tumbling down, but that's okay. 


9 oct 09 14:50 - better think of your future


this is very important!

Jonze had never written a movie script before, but to him this seemed no impediment. “I never knew how to do anything before I did it, really,” he reasons. “Those are the situations that I find the most exciting. It’s most fun just to decide, ‘Okay, I’m going to choreograph this. I’ve never choreographed before, I’ve never really danced before, but I know what kind of dancing I like, so I’ll do that.’ ” It seems to him that such resolutions are less leaps of grandiose self-confidence than a way to reprise the unworried and unfettered creativity of childhood. “Like, if you were going to make a fort in your backyard,” he says, “you’re not going to go, like, hire someone to make your fort or go buy plans. You’re just going to have an idea for it and go make your fort.”

SPIKE JONZE WILL EAT YOU UP

7 oct 09 22:47 - I FEEL IT

 if you're looking for a fight
and the time is right
i'm gonna wipe the floor 
with you TO-NIGHT

7 oct 09 22:44

 i've got china white, mother of pearl, ivy flavored. what you need?

28 sep 09 16:36

 
can i speak on my years-long obsession with "maggie may"? when i am really withdrawn, i like to sing select verses from this song over and over. i reached the peak of my obsession in 2007, when this song was on every roadtrip mix i made: roadtrippin' to georgia, roadtrippin' to disney world, roadtrippin' in europe. growing up, i had always heard it, but i "discovered" it when i was 18 and dating a guy who was 25, mathieu, a french-miamian real estate broker with a heart of gold. the rest of his playlist was bauhaus, the clean and nick cave & the bad seeds, but for some inexplicable reason he really cherished rod stewart. he was not very articulate with his appreciation. because i just have to get down to the bottom of things, i point-blank asked him, "this song doesn't fit with your repertoire, what gives?" he looked at me and very carefully said, "it's a good song."

i get it, i totally get it. the song is based on some old wives' tale about coming of age, broken hearts - perfect material for the sundance channel, a college co-ed's dream. walking to class, running errands, i have replayed certain lines, applying them to my own affairs, and i totally get it!

i know i keep you amused
but i feel i'm being used
oh, maggie i couldn't have tried anymore

you can feel the utter RESIGNATION and yet the tiny glimmer of hope, of "but it's worth it," vale la pena. and really, it's all laughable because i don't think rod stewart's truly gotten his heart broken in his whole life - he's like this big jolly uncle who dates glamazons, and that's why i like him so much. but he totally gets it too!

and whose idea was it to put that mandolin in there?

sometimes when i listen to that song i am so bizarrely moved, it's ridiculous. i don't know where it comes from. nothing in my life could have prepared me for loving "maggie may." i even bought the lords of dogtown on dvd, just for the above 30-second clip of heath ledger performing the song. oh god, heath ledger! so dogged and anguished. nicest celebrity ever, too. he had a duck walk, it was very charming in that rod stewart, jolly roger sort of way.

28 sep 09 09:04


Yesterday I saw Nicolas Cage bickering with a hot dog vendor on West 4th Street. It was so right, it just made so much sense for him to be doing that, I didn't regard it as a "celebrity spotting," or an out of the ordinary occurrence. I tried to listen in on the conversation, and looked for any clues that indicated the hot dog vendor thought this was perfectly (un)natural, too. There was nothing remarkable about it, unfortunately, except everything. It was just Nic Cage bitching about a cold hot dog in his perfectly manic, controlled and calculated sort of way. It was perfect.

Immediately after witnessing this, I bought a green Italian army jacket at the thrift store for 15 dollars. I don't know if the two events are related; I doubt I would have bought such laughably tuff outerwear had I not seen Nic Cage acting tuff in a laughable way. My friend Lynette took two pictures of me in the jacket because, she said, "it inhabited" me. I call them my Inglorious Basterds shots - winking, reflexive, somewhat bad-ass. Rome came home and I was so excited to model it for him; I had already done a Naomi Campbell walk for Lola and Lailah. Upon hugging me, Rome said the jacket is "so mildewy," but looked "cool." It was perfect.

I received a phone call from nice girls offering me a room in an apartment I liked. It was perfect. Then Rome looked up the address and the neighborhood is considered Bed-Stuy. That was super perfect.



24 sep 09 17:58

my body hasn't felt this extended in a really long time

24 sep 09 09:19 - i still <3 kanye west


Thanks to Almie for pointing this out:

WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT? U ARE THE BEST YUO U CAN BE!!! YOU ARE FUNNY AND YOUNG AND SMART AND ATTRACTIVE!! YOU ARE A HARD WORKER!! WHAT R U AFRAID OF????? THERE IS NTHING YOU CNA'T DO, EXCEPT FOR MAYBE GO TO THE MOON OR SOME SHIT, BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT ANYWAY!! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WANT TO BE THE MOON SCIENTIST, YOU JUST WANT TO BE THE BEST YOU. PEOPLE LIKE YOU, YOU'RE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. SOME DAY YOU'RE GOING TO BE OLD, OR ALMOST OLD, AND YOU'RE GOING TO THINK, WHY THE FCUK DID I COMPLAIN SO MUCH WHEN I WAS YOUNG??? AND THERE WON'T BE A MAGIC DELOREAN OR ANY OF THAT SHIT, THERE'S NO GOING BACK. THIS IS IT, THIS IS YOUR LIFE, AND THAT'S GREAT!! DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL. WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL IS YOU AND YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!!!!!! MOST PEOPLE WHO DO AMAZING THINGS NEVER THING ABOUT HOW EXACTLY THEY'RE GOING TO DO THEM, THEY JUST KNOW THEY'RE AMAZING AND THEY DO IT!!! IT'S CLICHED OK BUT IT'S TRUE YOU NEED TO JUST DO IT!!!! DON'T MAKE ME BREAK MY MACBOOK PRO OVER THIS SHIT!!!!!

Jesus, 'Ye, can you come look at apartments with me?

23 sep 09 22:13

secret conversations, i always know about them.

about a week ago i ran into my eighth-grade boyfriend, walid. he was the only boy to ever physically "fight" over me, for me. i don't know if i'm entirely proud of this. i was hit in the face by a volleyball during p.e. the offender - a short, stocky kid by the name of arturo - did not apologize. walid subsequently pounded him, fighting for my honor. i looked on, thinking, "so this is what it means to be liked? i don't want it!"

not surprisingly, he had completely forgotten this story. he told me that he liked me precisely because i was willing to get slammed in the face and not do anything about it, so somebody had to.

walid's great because he was in that strange p.e. class, those weird parties all festive with real peacocks and tigers, he was also friends with that kid who had a helicopter in his backyard yet lived next door to a slum. he finds this all completely normal, of course. he saw that time when i cried over a B+ on my report card, shaking with anxiety over my parents going "AZN" on me for my less-than-stellar grade. he knew that i was never popular in school, just well-liked for my complete and utter irreverence. (natalie, age 11, art class: "ms. benedina, what if you get raped... but you like it?") plus, i would hand out lollipops to everyone. 

i think i've been conditioned to believe i'm a people-pleaser, but that's not really it. i just care too much to not make an impression, so might as well be a pleasant one.



23 sep 09 09:11 - in the trenches w/ the bear jew


can someone set me up on a date with Eli Roth, finally? we've had near-encounters for about 2 years now. we can watch horror movies for 8 hours a day and then use the remaining time coming up with new ways for him to bum off Quentin Tarantino. i can make some beautiful shirts for him - white dress shirts with perfectly dyed collars, red and bloody.

oh God, I think staging an awesome death scene for myself is just what I need right now.

22 sep 09 14:34

i downloaded the entire Roy Orbison collection and listened, truly enjoying myself and "the moment." who was it that said Roy Orbison sang like a criminal? he was a total opera singer, balladeer, bolero.

now i'm listening to Brian Wilson, so sweet, wondering how he lived in isolation for all those years.

18 sep 09 14:47 - retrospectives



it's been a minute

i don't want nothin' from nobody,
just a little bit of everythin' from everybody

anyone have any good pen pal recommendations?

15 sep 09 15:45


i wonder if i take you home
would you still be in love, baby?
in love, baby?

14 sep 09 16:23 - robin wood's got it made, man


"This month we asked critic Robin Wood—whose books include Hitchcock’s Films and Hollywood from Vietnam to Reagan and who recently wrote essays for the Criterion releases The Furies and Le plaisir—to pick his ten favorite films in the collection. Newly retired from teaching, Wood told us he intends to spend the remainder of his life enjoying himself with movies, operas, and concerts on DVD, while writing books and articles on Michael Haneke, Tsai Ming-liang, Satyajit Ray, and others, and spending a happy old age with his partner, Richard Lippe, and their cats."

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